Poker Moth

And Full Tilt doesn’t like me.

I’ve played a few thousand hands of Rush PLO on FT since my last post, and have run incredibly badly. Throwing banknotes on a bonfire would be quicker, and more entertaining. It may even be art, although maybe only if you do it on a Hebridean island.

Rush poker definitely isn’t art. It’s barely even poker, and if that sounds like so much elitist nobbery, then nobs to you, cos it’s true. If you look around various websites offering strategy advice for Rush games, you’ll see the usual lazy generalisations masquerading as SOLID GOLD MONKEY MAKING ADVICE YOU CAN PUT THIS IN THE BANK, MATE. In particular, this one:  “Players are much tighter, folding out hands looking for aces, so steal blinds more!”.

Of course, the reality is that at least 30% of the players are already doing exactly that, and the end result is that the games aren’t any more or less juicy than their non-stupid equivalents. The only difference is that every hand is played in an information vacuum where every player has a hand range of  *shrug*, and that’s not good for business. You do see regulars, some of them often, but they can just exacerbate the problem, because three-betting a known maniac preflop is a dangerous game when you have no reads on the other seats.

So, you can nut-peddle, or you can play big pots in marginal positions against randoms. Yay! So, it’s not for me. And Full Tilt in general can sod off.

Hmm. Haven’t run into too many table expets recently, possibly because I don’t seem able to spend more than half an hour in any tournament. Yes, folks, I currently run quite bad.

Anyway, never mind that. Exciting things are happening! A total of two exciting things. First of all…

High Stakes Poker is BACK. And no-one told me, so I’ve already missed two episodes. I will be catching up on the action today, and will post some thoughts soon.

Secondly…

Full Tilt now offer there ridiculous Rush Poker gimmick in PLO flavour. Only 6max tables, currently, and with a 40bb minimum buy-in, which isn’t perfect, but it’s still a lot more fun than the NLHE version.

This shocked me, I must admit.

-96% ROI ::: $153 prize money ::: 5/190 (3%) ITM ::: $22 ABI, $4,180 TBI

A very opinionated expert. Is there some correlation between how much they lose and how loud they are? We need a new stat.

Volume: 8

(TE#1 gets a retrospective 6).

I once claimed that 95% of table experts were losing players. Well, I’m going to put that theory to the test, by documenting the statistics of every table expert I encounter.  My aim is to log fifty exerts, which may not be particularly statistically significant, but if it’s good enough for the cosmetics marketing industry, it’s good enough for me.

I really should set my sights a bit higher, shouldn’t I?

Anyway, here’s Table Expert #1. He piped up with “I folded 22!” immediately after I had shoved K7s at a a short-ish-stack who I knew would call with any two cards. (Unfortunately, that range includes K8o, which is what he turned over. It was quite a big overbet, too). Mr. Expert’s mood wasn’t improved when a deuce arrived on the river, and my asinine nature was then discussed at some length.

So… his stats.

-26% ROI ::: $3223 prize money ::: 40/487 (8%) ITM ::: $8.96 ABI, $4,363 TBI

Imagine my surprise.

A couple of HHs for you from a No Limit Omaha hi-lo Ante Up MTT . The first one is from the early stages: we’re only a couple of hands in, but I’ve already three-quartered someone to add 50% to my stack.

—————————————————————

SB ($2,050)
dermoth ($2,976)
UTG ($1,955)
UTG+1 ($1,749)
Hijack ($745)
Cutoff ($3,560)
Button ($1,950)

everybody antes $10
SB posts (SB) $5
dermoth posts (BB) $5

Dealt to dermoth Ts  Ac  Ks  2d

Which, on the face of it, is a pretty bloody good hand.  Surely good enough for a raise?

fold,
UTG+1 calls $5
Hijack calls $5
fold, fold,
SB checks
dermoth checks

Or… not. I should maybe explain this. If I raise, one of two things will happen. If I raise pot, I’ll get six callers and be out of position for the rest of the hand, and if I shove all-in, I’ll get three callers and be lucky to escape with half the low end of the pot. The thing about these Ante Up tourneys is that I have a massive advantage over the field, and so I have absolutely no desire to start flipping coins with a bunch of lowdonks until there’s a better than 5% chance that I can make everybody fold their AT75 rainbow type hands. I’m not even joking – you would not believe the trash these people are capable of calling with. I generally define the shove-calling range at this stage as “any two wheel cards”. I got called by 5552 once. Yeah, he made the wheel. 5552 always makes the wheel. You didn’t know that?

FLOP ($90) Qs  Jc  4h
SB bets $185

And now I flop the top wrap, and the small blind bets twice the pot. He’s either got a set, two pair (plus extras, probably), or the exact same wrap I have. I have position on him, 13 nut outs, the runner-runner nut low draw, and a pretty clear idea of what he has. I also have him covered, which will turn out to be important on the turn…

dermoth calls $185
UTG+1 folds
Hijack calls $185
TURN ($645) Qs  Jc  4h  3d
SB bets $1,850 (AI)
dermoth calls $1,850

Three things of note have happened. First of all, the turn brings me the nut low draw to go with my nut high draw. Secondly, the small blind has shoved, and thirdly, I’ve called him. That last part wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t have a few hundred chips behind, but I do, so I can gamble a little here. I say a little because at this stage, any A, K, T,  or 9 makes me the high, and any 5,6,7 or 8 the low.  Even with just one card to come, I’m a favourite to walk away with at least half the pot. So I call.

There was also a shortstack in the pot, who I’m ignoring, as he only had 745 chips to start. Annoyingly, he’s in there with AKT3 rainbow, so not only does he hold a bunch of my outs, but he also ends up splitting the pot with me when the ace hits.

Hijack calls $545 (AI)
RIVER ($4,890) Qs  Jc  4h  3d  As
dermoth shows Ts  Ac  Ks  2d
(Pre 37%, Flop 30.7%, Turn 38.9%)

Hijack shows 3s  Th  Ad  Kc
(Pre 24%, Flop 20.6%, Turn 18.1%)

SB shows 9c  Jh  7h  Qc
(Pre 39%, Flop 48.7%, Turn 43.1%)

dermoth wins $3,750
Hijack wins $1,140

—————————————————————

I’m still not entirely sure whether I approve of my play here, or not. In the context of Ante Up donkaments, risking a huge percentage of my stack on a draw while the antes are still tiny is… a bit dodgy, no matter how strong the draw is. It’s not just that I don’t need to gamble, it’s more that I actively want to avoid gambling wherever possible. Why flip coins when people will happily give you their chips?

Still, it’s hardly a huge error, and you can take gamblephobia too far, as this next hand history demonstrates. We’re back in the realm of pot-odds comedy here, and this one’s a classic of the genre.

—————————————————————

A few hours later. There are 13 players left in the tournament, and the antes are now 700 a pop.  We’re in the money, and things are tightening up for the final table bubble. BEHOLD, THE STACK SIZES -

SB ($43,701)
BB ($16,527)
dermoth ($33,553)
UTG+1 ($1,116)

Remember – the antes are 700 chips each. This guy has 1.5 antes left.

Hijack ($17,555)
Cutoff ($46,770)
Button ($7,092)

Everybody antes $700
SB posts (SB) $5
BB posts (BB) $5

Dealt to dermoth 8d  4s  Tc  9h
dermoth calls $5
UTG+1 calls $5
Hijack calls $5
Cutoff calls $5
Button calls $5
SB checks
BB checks

Unusual – nobody folded preflop. Every single one of these players would fold preflop from time to time, despite getting odds in excess of 1000-1 on the limp.  And this is Omaha hi-lo, ffs!

FLOP ($4,935) Qs  2d  Jh
SB checks
BB checks
dermoth checks
UTG+1 bets $20

Just to reiterate – this guy had $1116 in chips at the start of the hand. He then paid $700 for his ante, and five for the limp, leaving him with $411 in his stack. He has now bet TWENTY chips into a pot containing FOUR THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED AND THIRTY FIVE chips, offering his opponents odds of TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY SIX TO ONE on the call.

Although, to be fair, the implied odds aren’t great, as he now only has $391 left.

Hijack folds

Well, he’s got through one player. Somehow.

Cutoff calls $20
Button raises to $6,387 (AI)
SB calls $6,387

Oh no! A reraise and a caller! What happens now?!

BB folds
dermoth folds

Wait for it…

UTG+1 folds

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You know, I wouldn’t blame you if you thought I was making this stuff up. It all sounds so unlikely, but this actually happened. He bluffed one two-hundred-and-fiftieth-ish of the pot, (or, if you prefer, one thirty-fifth of an ante), then folded getting odds of twenty-to-one-ish on the call, and with only half an ante left in his distance-quotes-stack.

Cutoff folds
TURN ($17,749) Qs  2d  Jh  6c
RIVER ($17,749) Qs  2d  Jh  6c  Jc
Button shows 4d  9s  Qh  Ts
(Pre 41%, Flop 32.3%, Turn 20.0%)

SB shows Jd  Qd  2s  3d
(Pre 59%, Flop 67.7%, Turn 80.0%)

SB wins $17,749

—————————————————————

So, that’s that. Sadly, I could only manage to finish 6th, after getting a bit short and jamming top two pair and naff all else on a K54 rainbow board. Got called by 2345, with predictable (and thoroughly deserved) results.

Ah, Ante Ups. Will you ever stop making me laugh? I doubt it.

And sometimes, they’re funny for normal donkament reasons. Bet sizing is not the problem here -

dermoth ($2,615)
BB ($1,905)
UTG ($1,850)
UTG+1 ($3,910)
MP ($1,370)
Hijack ($5,060)
Cutoff ($2,000)
Button ($2,000)
SB ($1,840)

dermoth antes $20
BB antes $20
UTG antes $20
UTG+1 antes $20
MP antes $20
Hijack antes $20
Cutoff antes $20
Button antes $20
dermoth posts (SB) $5
BB posts (BB) $5

Dealt to dermoth Th  As
fold,
UTG+1 raises to $20

Even at this early stage of an Ante Up, when the pots are relatively small, you see amazing things. This guy has just raised it by 3/4 of an ante.  There’s 190 chips in the pot, and he’s offering me 12-1 on my money in the big blind,  even if everybody else folds. That obviously doesn’t happen.

MP calls $20
Hijack calls $20
Cutoff calls $20
Button calls $20
fold,

So now there’s six people in the pot. I’ve got ace ten offsuit, which would be great for a raise round the back, but I could go all-in here and still get three callers. This is going to be a multiway pot, with me out of position, whether I like it or not. So I just call, getting omgthat’sridiculous-to-one.

dermoth calls $15
BB calls $15
FLOP ($320) 3s  Ts  2c

Top-pair, top-kicker, with a flush draw on board. (I hold the ace of that suit, although a bare-ace bluff against this crowd would be suicidal). I could bet out here, but with six really, really bad players still to act behind me, a check-shove seems more appropriate.

dermoth checks
BB bets $185
UTG+1 folds
MP folds
Hijack folds
Cutoff calls $185
Button calls $185
dermoth raises to $2,575 (AI)
BB calls $1,680 (AI)
Cutoff calls $1,775 (AI)
Button calls $1,775 (AI)

And now my cursor is hovering over the Close Table button, because this only ever ends one way: my measly TPTK needing runner-runner cards to beat the set, straight draw and  flush draw (or combinations of same) I’m obviously up against. Or maybe I’ve been playing too much Omaha? As it turned out, I was up against T5, 64, and A4, without a flush draw between them.

Just to recap, the flop was T32. I’m an EIGHTY-THREE PER CENT favourite on the flop, with almost all of the remaining equity going to the six-high gutshot draw. How the hell does this happen?

Not that I’m complaining, mind you.

TURN ($8,065) 3s  Ts  2c  2h
RIVER ($8,065) 3s  Ts  2c  2h  Kh
dermoth shows Th  As
(Pre 44%, Flop 83.3%, Turn 88.7%)

BB shows Tc  5s
(Pre 17%, Flop 2.7%, Turn 3.8%)

Cutoff shows 4s  Ad
(Pre 15%, Flop 0.7%, Turn 0.0%)

Button shows 4d  6h
(Pre 24%, Flop 13.4%, Turn 7.5%)

dermoth wins $8,065, shakes head.

I saw the funniest thing today.

Well, it may not be funny. It may actually be tragic and depressing, depending on various unknowable factors, but I’m running with funny for the moment. So, here’s the probably funny thing -

I mentioned a couple of posts back that Stars are doing some celebratory giveaway malarkey. This involves, amongst other things, doling out a bunch of money to all players who participate in every millionth cash game hand, with the precise amount being determined by the amount of rake generated on the table in the previous 40 hands. And when one of these milestone hands is about to be dealt, everyone on Pokerstars gets a message telling them all about the happy event.

SO. I’m noodling along on a few low stakes  PLOMFG tables, and see that the next milestone hand is about to be dealt at a $2/$4 NLHE table. This was an unusually high-stakes game (obviously the vast majority of action on Stars is much lower than that ), so I thought I’d have a look at the table and see how much they all got paid, purely because of a) boredom and b) jealousy. So I opened the lucky tale, and one of Stars’ lovely hosts was already in the chatbox, explaining what was going on to the players.

“Everyone who is dealt into the next hand will receive a cash bonus!”.

Except! One guy is sitting out. But he’s there. He’s typing.  “Host, I want to be dealt into the hand!”

No response. Instead, the host carries on doling out general information. “The winner will recieve double the bonus!”

“Host! I had to go pee! Please deal me in!”

But the host ignores him, the hand is dealt, and he gets nothing.

Can you see what’s happened here? It really is incredible. This guy has sat down at a $2/$4 NLHE game, with pretty much a full $400 buy-in in front of him, and he doesn’t know that you can post the blinds at any time! And lo and behold, he doesn’t figure out the purpose of the absolutely mahoosive I’M BACK button, and isn’t dealt into the hand, and doesn’t get several hundred free dollars.  And he could probably use the money, as he’s playing  $2/$4 but doesn’t even understand how the blinds work.

Although if you’re sitting down in a $400 game without any clue of what you’re doing, and with several thousand cheaper alternatives available, you’re probably rolled for it. Let’s hope so, for his sake…

First: if, like me, you’re the sort of person who irritably closes popup windows on sight, (after having the result of the WSOP main event spoilered by triumphalist marketing jerks, perhaps) you might miss Stars’ latest kerfuffle over being about to deal some eleventybillionth hand or other. One of the giveaways is a straight exchange of 2500 FPPs for $40, which is a nice way to start the day.

Second: the bit where I talk about my navel. This year has been about two things; Ante Up! tourneys and full-ring PLO cash games. I’ll always love the Ante Ups! because they’re honestly and genuinely the toughest tournaments in online poker, and I’d be better off setting fire to my money. (No. Seriously. They’re almost impossible to beat).  And PLO is back on the menu after a kind relative bought me a copy of Rolf Slotboom’s PLO book, and I’ve been using a modified version of his strategy to reasonably great effect. And no, I’m not ratholing. As long as the game stays lively, I’ll stick around until I’ve surpassed a full buy-in, at least. I’m a tournament player at heart, and this approach to PLO is similar to a rebuy tournament; the goal is to quickly double up so you can start to play big pots.

So, I posted something! The blog just got 233 words longer. Woo. I’ll stick some hand histories up later, perhaps.

This post is the proof.

I’ve been playing poker, and doing a degree. And… nope. That’s it.This has kept me busy enough that I haven’t really had time to spend posting stuff on here; and it is a time-consuming process, because this stuff is carefully honed material that takes literally ages to write.

Anyway, me try post more. Probably fail, buy, try.